Have you ever wondered if having sex could bring us something more than just physical pleasure, something spiritual and fulfilling that leaves us feeling energised rather than depleted? I remember thinking this many years ago following a horrible sexual experience: “Good sex is the generation of energy, while bad sex is the consumption…” That evening, I felt drained and I knew this isn’t for me.
Since I was about 10 or 11, I’ve had an intuitive sense that there must be a relationship between spirituality and sexuality – a topic that society frequently considers complex or even taboo. I recall vividly how I felt about people in general, and how my attraction to them influenced my beliefs. People frequently ask me how it is possible to be both spiritual and sexual, given that they are viewed as diametrically opposed. Growing up in an Indian village surrounded by temples adorned with breathtaking sculptures of gods and goddesses in intimate poses may have greatly influenced my perception and belief in the interconnectedness of spirituality and sexuality. The more I read about these things, even in some of the ancient Hindu texts, the more I realise they are indeed innately connected. Probably why, we have Kamasutra.
Throughout human history, particularly in ancient India and in other Eastern philosophies, sexuality has been revered as a sacred practice very closely linked to spiritual growth. Tantra and other ancient traditions recognised the enormous potential for self-discovery and even enlightenment through sexual intimacy. They saw sexual intimacy as a means of deeper connection, personal growth, and spiritual awakening.
However, influences from organised religions, unethical pornography, distorted media representations, commercialised advertising and oversexualization of even sex may have caused society to stray from this deep connection. I personally believe there is a greater need than ever to reclaim and honour the sacred nature of sexuality.
Keeping this in mind, how can we restore the sacredness of our sexuality and the way we express it in today’s society? And is there actually any connection between spirituality and sexuality or are we just just being superficial..?
What is Spirituality and Sexuality?
Defining spirituality can be difficult; the definition can differ depending on our worldview and personal experiences. One of the definitions I feel close to is from Osho, an Indian spiritual master, who describes spirituality as a journey within. It is a journey to discover our true selves and acknowledge our innate connection to a greater force, whether we call it God, nature, the universe, or any other divine presence. Spirituality is about living in the moment, being fully present, witnessing our thoughts and emotions rather than drowning in them and losing our identity, and discovering our life’s larger purpose. In this stillness and self-awareness, we discover our own divinity.
Eckhart Tolle, another spiritual master defines spirituality as expanding our being to a higher level of consciousness. He too talks a lot about the importance of being present in the moment, freeing ourselves from the constant chatter of the mind, and developing more self-awareness in order to separate our true self from our ego-self, bringing a profound inner peace.
On the other hand, sexuality is personal, and it encompasses our emotional and physical attraction to others. Of course, it is not a one-size-fit-all experience, we are all unique and our sexuality is very fluid and evolving as we grow so long as we stay open and receptive. Some people may be attracted to men, women, both, those who are in between (non-binaries) or none at all. It is all about what feels authentic to us. For instance, I identify as a queer and am pansexual, which means that my attraction for others has no bearing on their gender identity.
Sex is the source of creativity; it is through sex that you will be reborn…
What Is The Connection Between Spirituality and Sexuality?
Spirituality and sexuality are fundamental aspects of human existence. As we saw earlier, spirituality is our inward journey, a quest to discover our inherent divinity. Sexuality is our most vulnerable and intimate expression of life, meeting one of our most fundamental needs: connection. Both spirituality and sexuality help us find meaning, fulfilment, and a sense of belonging. They act as the gateways to our inner world and emotional connections, reflecting our innate desire for meaningful relationships and experiences. While spirituality helps us connect with ourselves, sexuality allows us to connect with ourselves as well as others, satisfying our need for connection.
Through our sexual experiences, we can tap into a profound level of intimacy and connection that mirrors the depth of spiritual awakening. They both encourage us to be fully present, and to honour our true selves, reflecting the same authenticity and self-respect we cultivate in our spiritual journey.
Many eastern spiritual traditions like Tantra view sexuality as a sacred energy that, when channeled mindfully, can lead to our spiritual upliftment. According to some of the most revered ancient Hindu texts, the pleasure felt during orgasm is equated to the deep bliss associated with spiritual awakening. Tantra draws inspiration from all those texts and teaches us that sexual union is more than just a physical act, rather it is a union of souls. It’s a deeply meaningful sharing of energies between two or more people, especially when approached mindfully, with mutual respect, and care – the sacred sexuality. Integrating mindfulness into our sexual intimacy allows us to feel a profound sense of unity and oneness, both internally and externally, connecting our physical and spiritual worlds.
Similarly, in spirituality, as we connect with ourselves and grow in our self-awareness, we recognise and acknowledge our innate connection to our inner world and the universe, creating a profound sense of oneness with everything around us.
So, How Can We Harmonise Our Spirituality and Sexuality?
There are plenty of simple practices that we can use to bring our spiritual and sexual selves into harmony. I previously wrote about energetic lovemaking as described by relationship coach Bibi Brzozka, which you can read here.
Here are some suggestions to assist you on your journey of conscious pleasure and your sacred sexuality:
First Things First: Self Acceptance
One of the most important things to remember when you are on a journey to harmonizing your sexuality and spirituality is to let go of any shame or guilt associated with your sexuality. We’ve been conditioned to believe these repressive and restrictive ideas that we should be ashamed of our sexuality, to the point where we accept them as true.
One of the most common questions I get from people, knowing that I am very spiritual and have no shame in being sexual and a little bit kinky, is “how can you be sexual and spiritual, aren’t these two completely opposite things?” They are not. We should never be ashamed of our sexuality in whichever forms and shapes that comes to you, it is a fundamental aspect of being human. When you accept yourself truly the way you are, life flows with remarkable vibrancy.
Stay Open and Curious
Always be open and curious to new ideas and experiences, even if they push your envelopes. It is not only important when it comes to sacred sexuality, but it can also be incredibly enjoyable. This could mean many things to different people. For some, it may be about exploring various kinks or fetishes, or practicing Shibari, all within a safe and consensual setting. Curiosity is one of the most beautiful aspects of human nature and, bringing that into your playfulness and pleasure makes it a lot more fun and meaningful. Follow your sexual intuition.
Embracing Your Body’s Wisdom Through Mindfulness – Making Love With Yourself
The more self-aware we become, the stronger our connection to our own body. The more connected we are to our bodies, the better we understand our desires, turn ons and offs. Mindfulness allows you to connect with yourself, your inner world, and accept all of your awesomeness and flaws exactly as they are and recognise that you are complete in your own way.
We can tap into our bodies’ innate wisdom by practicing techniques like meditation, conscious breathing and body scanning, which allow us to observe sensations and emotional responses without judgement.
For instance, as you take conscious breaths, be playful with yourself, exploring your body with each touch and understanding how it reacts to your touch. I like to call this “making love with oneself”. This was one of the things that helped me deal with a lot of my body issues, including dysphoria, and ultimately fall in love with my body. Consciously doing these things help you create body awareness, laying the groundwork for sacred sexuality with yourself and your trusted partners.
Understanding Sacred Sexuality
Simply put, sacred sexuality refers to mindful sex. It is about seeing sex as a deeper, more meaningful connection rather than just wham-bam, thank you ma’am. Sacred sexuality is about conscious pleasure and self-awareness. I may have mentioned self-awareness several times in this post because I truly believe it is one of the most important qualities to have in order to live a more meaningful life, and definitely to have meaningful sex.
Sacred sex is about being completely present with your partner and aware of each other’s needs and desires. It is about creating a safe, loving space in which partners feel valued, cared for, and respected. Mindful breathing, meditating together, using sensual elements such as candles and essential oils, soothing music, or incorporating sensual massage into your intimate practices can all help to strengthen your connection and intimacy.
Remember to have an open and honest conversation with your partners about boundaries, likes and dislikes to build trust and mutual care. Recognise the idea that our bodies are vessels of divine energy, allowing us to approach sex as a transformative experience, resulting in a deep sense of belonging and fulfilment within the sacred space of intimacy.
Experiencing Blissful Orgasm
A blissful orgasm is far more than a physical release. It’s an emotional and spiritual journey that reconnects you with yourself and the universe, taking you into a deep sense of oneness. During orgasm, your body vibrates with pleasure, removing all of your daily worries and allowing you to be fully present in the moment, much like when you meditate. This profound sense of ecstasy and fulfilment is similar to spiritual awakening, grounding and lifting your spirits. It’s a time of deep joy and inner peace, when you form a strong connection with yourself, your partner, and the energy of the universe that flows through you.
This post is not complete; there is much more to add, and I may revisit it in the future. But for now, I will end this with a quote from Osho, “Sex is the source of creativity; it is through sex that you will be reborn…”